Confessions of an Older Woman

I recently went to see Menopause the Musical. When everyone else was laughing, I was feeling slightly validated inside. It would have been so much funnier to me if it weren't soooo true. It just hit too close to home for me to laugh alongside everyone else. The only salvation was that my husband went with me. I think he learned that he wasn't alone in dealing with a dragging wife.

I can't tell you exactly when everything started changing for me. It wasn't sudden but a slow digression of mood, energy level and emotional stability. The lows became lower and my energy level just started diving. I stopped working out because it was all I could do to take care of the house, my husband, my job and my kids.

I did try to take care of myself. I went to the doctors who prescribed depression medication. I told my OB Gyn who prescribed a mild dose of hormones. I read up and tried Vitamin B, Vitamin D, even a light treatment device. I even bought new clothes to boost my mood when the body started spreading. I tried diets to counteract the spread and just yo-yo'd back and forth. Nowhere along the line did anyone actually do a blood test and measure where I am on my hormones. I was left with a whole list of medicines and a bulging closet of skinny and fat clothes!

I knew I was not alone. My friends were experiencing the same thing. Some did better with it, some were suffering in silence. Our joke was -- "Guess how many women it takes to complete a sentence?" We'd laugh because the answer depended on how many menopausal women were in the crowd. Words always escaped us.

I've always been a crier. It runs in the Malone family. I was told that even my grandfather wept easily. For me, the tears have always followed the saying...when it rains it pours. But lately, the tears came way too easily for me. The depression medicine helped some but lately even if someone looked at me wrong, I was prone to crying jags. Everything was personal. I can now look back and see that my reaction to jobs, boards, bosses were overly exaggerated. Instead of "cowgirling it up," I just lost my confidence. I was way too worried about what people thought instead of telling them to take a flying leap when they crossed the lines with me.

My friendships were suffering....I was hiding at home feeling like I didn't want to go out or make the effort. And my poor husband was left wondering what he was in for the rest of his life.

Despite the knowledge that my friends were rowing alongside me in the boat, I was sinking lower and lower. My work was suffering -- I couldn't remember anything and I was missing meetings. It was getting more and more embarrassing.

So what was a girl to do? Some of my friends decided to do au natural and just deal with it. Some tried a compounding specialist in town who provided hormone creams.  I tried the synthetic route with the pills. Sure, they stopped the hot flashes but my memory....who are you again? I was so scared that I actually sought out Long Term Life Insurance thinking I was suffering from Early Onset Dementia. By the way, I got turned down. The reasons? They read my Ob Gyn's chart...memory loss, fatigue, headaches. Amazing!

Fate or Divine Intervention has always played a big part in my life. I prefer to think Divine Intervention. I can't even begin to explain the chain of events that caused us to forgo our trip to Victor on Tom's February birthday but instead we went on a cross country ski trip with some friends. It was there, as I was lamenting my issues with the group of women, that one woman told me about a new hormone treatment she was trying. It's called Bio TE and she claimed it made her feel like a new woman. Her memory, energy level and libido were back in full force. Me? I'd just be thrilled with my memory. Everything else would be icing on the cake.

I did the research and found a doctor in Denver who was licensed to use BIO TE and concentrated solely on women's wellness -- Dr. Hope Engsberg at Age Well MD. Dr. Engsberg actually did a series of blood tests which showed I was in the sub-basement of hormone levels. Duh! Even my thyroid was lacking in vitality. Working with a compounding specialist, they came up with three hormone pellets, that once inserted into my butt check, promised to bring deliverance.

It has been a month since my first treatment. I can tell you that while I'm not in the penthouse, I am at least on the first or second floor of the building. My energy level has improved, I am working out again and I can remember things much easier. It doesn't take other people to finish my sentences, and I'm proud to say most of the time I can remember where I placed my phone and keys.

The reason why I'm writing this post is to not overtly display the more personal parts of my life to the public, but to encourage other women to take the necessary steps to save their minds, their talents and their confidence in their later years. Be more astute than I was. Don't let doctors just treat the symptoms. Start looking at the systemic issues. Why do you NOW need depression medicine, concentration drugs and energy supplements? And doctors, hello! Wake up!! Don't just treat the symptoms. We're women, we NEED hormones unless you just want us to slog along in life.

I'm looking forward to the rest of this year as my doc evaluates and re-evaluates my levels. Perhaps one day I'll be living in the penthouse. That would be great but I just want to believe that when I reach 60 in a few years, it truly is the new 40.

Stay tuned. It will take a while to walk up the stairs to my new life. I will be truthful with you about the effects and the results. And for heavens sake, if you are experiencing any of this, do the research yourself and take some action.